Clash of the Titans
Godzilla vs. Kong, The Real Housewives of New York, and the pleasure of watching fighting frenemies
It takes around 40 minutes for King Kong and Godzilla to have their first fight in Godzilla vs. Kong, the latest flick in two longtime, beloved, rebooted franchises I didn’t even realize were dovetailing MCU-style into some larger shared mythology the last seven years (does everything now have to have some larger mythology? Can’t stuff just be dumb and fun?). Before that, there’s a lot of muddled exposition featuring a lot of respected human actors in barely-fleshed out roles.
This is on purpose. You have to build tension and anticipation; make people crave the thing they paid money to see, even if it means making them a little bored at first. It’s why every prize fight has like two hours of pre-fight commentary for a match that usually lasts less than half that time. You have to get people emotionally invested in the fighters and the fight itself so everyone experiences the same surge of cathartic endorphins when the blessed carnage finally occurs.
Godzilla and King Kong have been around almost as long as movies themselves. Kong appeared first in 1933 to instant acclaim and popularity. Godzilla followed in 1954—the height of the B-movie monster era—and spawned a number of sequels and giant creatures. Their longevity and popularity has bred a familiarity among even those of us (like moi) who have barely watched any of the movies in which they appear. There’s nothing difficult to grasp about either creature. One is a giant, misunderstood ape with some anger issues. The other is a giant, misunderstood lizard with nuclear breath. Both of them likely would benefit from serious therapy. Yet they terrorize whatever major city they’re in (imagine the insurance claims!), and we eat it up because who doesn’t love chaos?
Similarly, The Real Housewives of New York is a long-running reality show about very rich, misunderstood alpha women who terrorize a major city with their fighting and would likely benefit from serious therapy. I’m convinced Ramona Singer also has nuclear breath. Dorinda and Bethenny have anger issues and trample on anyone who tries to calm them down. Jill Zarin’s Long Island accent is a terrifying roar than can be heard for miles. Alex and Simon (+ one of their pretentiously named sons) would give three-headed Ghidora a run for its money. In its 13 years on the air, RHONY has blessed us with no shortage of carnage and monsters run amok.
Perhaps no one understands the appeal of Godzilla vs. Kong more than the folks at Bravo. Their whole model for the Real Housewives reality franchise is built on the idea of larger-than-life creatures clashing over and over again for various reasons (often times very dumb ones) in various cities. It is also about wealth, business, friendship between women, and trips gone very, very wrong (that provide more fodder for giant fights). It would be easy to say The Real Housewives plays into the misogynistic idea that women are always in competition with one another and prone to “cat fights,” but I think the underlying message of both it and Godzilla vs. Kong are the same: friendship is complicated especially among individuals with strong personalities and/or destructive abilities.
And while the Real Housewives employs an awful lot (emphasis on awful) of wealthy, white Republican women, its longevity is due, in some part, to how gleefully the show pulls the curtain back on their bad behavior and often murky business practices/wealth streams—whether anyone at the network or on the show realizes it. Like Godzilla vs. Kong, there is always some expert—usually Andy Cohen himself—who tries to explain why these creatures behave the way they do, and at some point, even tries to control them, but over and over again, they only prove they have two basic modes: calm or chaos. And it’s for these reasons people (myself included) keep tuning in. Some of us just like watching the world burn (or deranged wealthy women throw their own prosthetic legs on the table at Le Cirque to the utter horror of the other partygoers).
Most of Godzilla vs. Kong is about logistics. How do we get these two monsters in the same place for the giant showdown everyone wants to see but still make it interesting? There’s talk of underground tunnels, and which sea routes the giant aircraft carrier transporting Kong can take without inadvertently running into Godzilla. I assume this is what the producers at Bravo do when they’re planning the end of season trips for the Housewives, who are contractually obligated to go even—and especially—when they’re feuding with one or more of the other Housewives (remember when Jill just showed up at the end of the Scary Island Trip in season 3 to the chagrin of Ramona and Bethenny? Classic.). Setting the stage correctly is important—think Ramona and her obsession with dinner party seating charts—if you want maximum results from either a monster showdown in Hong Kong or a disastrous trip to Cartagena, Colombia that ends in a scary boat ride and diarrhea.
Keeping things fresh in long-running franchises is key, which is why you also have to throw in a few surprises. Maybe it’s finding out the man you got engaged to after like 3 weeks is actually a fuckboy who’s been seen kissing other women around town and has also dated/slept with at least two of your friends. Maybe it’s introducing a new villain—like Mechagodzilla or Aviva Drescher—that forces enemies to become frenemies to defeat their shared threat. As the Real Housewives of New York kicks off its 13th season tonight (and introduces its first Black Housewife, Eboni K. Williams, into the mix), it’s inevitable there will be more clashing between titans old and new much as it’s always been for Godzilla and King Kong. But true fans of both franchises know no two fights are ever really the same.
Why?
The beauty and ultimate lesson of Godzilla vs. Kong and the Real Housewives of New York is that human hubris is predictable but monster instincts are watchable forever.
The Real Housewives of New York airs Tuesdays at 9 pm ET on Bravo.
As always, drop me a line if you feel so inclined!
Thanks for reading,
-Em